Blood Ties: A Story About Brothers And Unforgiven Resentment

Undoubtedly: the strongest grievances are inflicted by the closest people. We love them and expect the same good attitude towards us, and th...

Undoubtedly: the strongest grievances are inflicted by the closest people. We love them and expect the same good attitude towards us, and therefore we perceive their actions as a betrayal. How to survive it? The psychologist comments on the real story and shares life hacks on what to do if there is an offense between you and your loved ones.

We offend and we are offended. We take offense at close relatives, lovers, friends, work colleagues, and sometimes even at people unfamiliar to us. But when a person from a distant circle touches us, we can, without much thought, experience a feeling of anger, anger, revenge, and indignation toward him. And how can we allow ourselves these feelings in relation to a person whom we love and know for many years?

From such mixed experiences, perhaps, the most burning resentments are born. One such story - taken from real life - we would like to tell you.


Two twin brothers worked in one of the Russian circuses. They were tightrope walkers and used a ladder in their room, on which they demonstrated all sorts of tricks. While one of the brothers was balancing on its top, the other naturally held it on his shoulders.

Circus performers can retire much earlier than other professions. Gymnasts need only fifteen years of work experience. And so, when the brothers were only a year away from retirement, they had a terrible fight. And, most importantly, they stopped talking to each other. No matter how relatives and friends tried to find out, no one managed to reveal the cause of the quarrel. All attempts to reconcile them failed. The twins stopped performing in the circus arena, as it was simply impossible to work alone with a staircase.

In a word, the brothers were left without work and, accordingly, without money. Then their wives entered the negotiation process. Through their spouses, the twins agreed to finish the remaining year, come to rehearsals on time and perform in a circus program. During the year, they adhered to the agreements reached. But they did it without ever talking to each other.

According to the old circus tradition, the artists were seen off to retire, calling them from the hall to the center of the arena to the applause of all those present. One of the brothers sat in the front row at the ceremony from the very beginning. Nobody saw the second twin in the circus.

And so, when the ceremony was almost over, suddenly the second twin brother entered the arena. In one hand he held a ladder and in the other a jigsaw. Coming out to the very center of the arena, he sat down and began defiantly sawing the stairs in half.

Having sawn it into two parts, he went up to his brother and, looking intently into his eyes, thrust one-half of the ladder into his hands. Then he turned around and in complete silence left the hall with his half.

Thus ended this story, which was talked about and remembered in the circus community for many years. And it raises a lot of questions. What had to happen for the twins, who usually feel and understand each other much more than ordinary brothers, to quarrel like that? How did they feel when they performed in the circus arena when one held the ladder and the other performed tricks? Couldn't they find the strength in themselves to talk to each other and ask each other for forgiveness?


We all get offended from time to time - and this is part of our life. It happens that we offend by chance and just offend us. But we tend to feel if there was no malicious intent. And then, of course, it is easier for us to forgive.

The situation with blood ties is completely different. Usually, close people know our whole history, all the ins, and outs, all our pain points - that is why when loved ones hurt us, it is akin to betrayal, this is a forbidden technique that should never be used. It is a deep trust that is betrayed. That is why very often relationships are torn forever and irrevocably.

In this story, we do not know the reason, but apparently, it was very serious. Both brothers knew that the act that quarreled them cannot be whitewashed either in memory or in the heart ...

The fact that their wives managed to agree to work for the season suggests that the brothers were psychologically mature people who understood that their family needed to be supported and that money was needed for this. We can also conclude that both brothers have a high level of coordination and professionalism, which allowed them to go without words.

And the most important thing in this story: their work, which ended successfully, suggests that, despite the burning resentment, none of them wanted injury, injury, or death to each other. But, consciously or even unconsciously, they could injure each other - they were so dependent on each other in their performances! But no, they brought each other in perfect health to the victorious finish line. Without words.

This story teaches us that we should always think about what we want to say or do. We must learn to turn around to the feelings of other people, especially those close to us. Unless, of course, we want to keep them in our lives.


1. Resentment has the property of a snowball. Especially when it's not spoken or discussed.

If resentment finds a way out, then very often the other person is prone to forgiveness. Therefore, if you have already had a conflict and the person is dear to you, then it is better to try to explain yourself. You can write a message or just ask for two minutes of personal time and talk about what happened, how it looked in your eyes, and why you did it this way and not otherwise. And also to hear the other side, to find out how everything looked from that point of view.

2. Offer to glue the broken bowl. Accept that broken things are bad

Although in Japan, for example, broken dishes are especially expensive, because they are glued ... with gold. This is called the art of Kintsugi. The Japanese consider such ceramics the most beautiful and store them in the most prominent places. If we talk about grievances with conflicts with loved ones, then the “gold” here may be the understanding that you have admitted a mistake. And admitting mistakes is always very difficult.

3. Overcome the fear that you will not be forgiven, will not lend a hand

First, do not forget that sometimes fear lies blatantly. And if that happens, then at least you did everything you could to save the relationship.

4. When pride gets in the way

“I won't apologize. Never!" It's humiliating. This pride must also be put aside. Remind yourself that an old friend is better than two new ones. What in this friendship is a long-term investment of all the best that was in you. And that it is simply unprofitable for pride to take over all this.

5. Do not forget about a sense of humor

Too often we take ourselves too seriously in these circumstances. Then it's time to take out the sword and fight to the end. In this case, it is unlikely that the relationship will be saved.

But you can imagine if it's not you, but someone else is watching this story, someone else. And this someone looks at the situation with a share of irony and humor. This helps to reduce the pathos. You can even imagine yourself and the other in the form of turkeys, which are very important steps in front of each other. But they can't speak, but you can.

Therefore, it is worth trying.

6. Put the hurt aside

Feelings are not always a good adviser. Speaking figuratively, sometimes resentment becomes larger than us and goes in front of us, leading us, obscuring everything rational and reasonable. In this case, you need to mentally set it aside and turn to your consciousness and mind, honestly answering all your questions regarding the current situation.

7. There are grievances that do not allow you to continue the relationship.

Of course, there are actions that carry such a negative connotation that it is impossible to maintain the same relationship with the person who committed them.

In this case, the first thing you need to do is forgive yourself. Forgive the fact that you were mistaken in a person, wasting your time and other resources on him.

And besides, we all remember the wonderful saying about the fact that "time heals everything." Forgive yourself, and over time, resentment against a former friend will cease to attract the attention and resources of your consciousness. And you can direct them to people who are pleasant, decent, and useful to you.



Hi Baby: Blood Ties: A Story About Brothers And Unforgiven Resentment
Blood Ties: A Story About Brothers And Unforgiven Resentment
Hi Baby
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